I woke up on Christmas Eve morning feeling excited and optimistic. I put on my black pants that I bought about six years ago, and they fit nice and snug. I chose a
flowey, flowery shirt and a red cardigan. I picked out some of my favorite accessories: rhinestone chandelier earrings, flower ring, and paisley watch.
I had a job interview.
I hardly knew anything about this job. I found it on
Craigslist, and it only mentioned that it was a "marketing job perfect for college students." Since I'm
not a college student, and am blatantly unemployed, I thought the job perfect for me.
When the receptionist called to schedule the interview, she stressed the importance of professional attire and showing up fifteen minutes before the appointment. When I asked her
exactly what the job
entailed, she told me the manager would give me the details at the interview. I was skeptical, but didn't want to question my only job lead.
So off I went with my glossy resume in hand. The address for the office was in Burbank, and
Burbank is where all the movie studios are and I thought it just
fabulous. Well, as it turned out, the office did not have that silver screen sparkle.
I laughed as I parked my car on the street next to the local high school and climbed the stairs behind a middle aged jovial woman, and passed two teenage looking girls leaving the office. I walked through the heavy door entrance toward a messy office with a young woman sitting at, apparently, the reception desk. I slowly walked passed posters and white boards and stickers, I signed in, and was led into the "conference room" which had Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop the Music" blaring. I sat down at a table with other applicants, looked down at my
application, and then back up at the walls.
That's when I saw it--
CUTCOThat word was plastered all over the walls.
CUTCO CUTLERYThis wasn't an interview. This was a recruiting seminar to sell knives door to door.
It took everything inside of me not to walk out. I mean
run out. This was a company that
sells knives door to door! I would be selling
knives people! I took a deep breath, stared for a moment at a three foot tall sales trophy, and decided to stay (mostly because I didn't have any Christmas Eve plans).
I stayed. I stuck it out. I stuck out the amazing dull tipped sharp tooth edged knife and I cut a piece of leather clean through. I cut a penny in half with ambidextrous scissors. I participated in the seminar answering questions like,
"What do you think are the problems with plastic handles?"
"Durability, duh."
(I didn't actually say
duh, but I thought it
the whole time."
At the end of the "interview" I was told I would find out by the end of the day if I "got the job." I got a call on the drive home congratulating me, and telling me to be at the
unpaid training this Friday. I was also reminded to bring the money to pay for the knife demo kit. Of course, the demo kit is discounted for sales reps.
So, THIS is my new job. Not really. I don't think I'm going to do it. I only know, like, 15 people in all of California, and I don't think any of them will buy a set of knives. I also don't have a kitchen. How can I sell knives if
I don't even have a kitchen? Here's the answer--They sell themselves. It's true! If I had money, liked to cook, and wanted invested in quality cookware I would buy these knives.
Cutco has got the best knives. I should probably join the team and sell these knives, because I really think they blow all the other knives off of the wall magnet.
But don't take my word for it. Call your local
Cutco representative for a free in home demonstration. Be sure to have the names, phone numbers, and addresses of five friends so
Cutco can keep their dream alive.
Alexander Pantages gets a bad rap, but I think he's a cool dude for opening his own theatre. 
Oprah lives!
Really need some new shoes
