Opening Earnest



Photo Courtesy of the Juneau Empire

We opened Earnest last Friday, and I was overflowing with nerves and emotions. All day on Friday, I was feeling-

Insecurity. Even though I have rehearsed the show for over a month, the confidence I felt in the small rehearsal hall is waining. Now, I have to get up in front of everyone I know in Juneau, and beg for them to enjoy themselves. I might be performing, and seem like I'm having a good time, but all I can think is "What the crap am I doing with my hands? I look like an idiot! These aren't my hands, they are just two huge cinder blocks hanging from my shoulders! Stand up straight! Suck in your gut! Why didn't I work out more during the rehearsal period? Who am I kidding?! Why didn't I work out AT ALL during rehearsals?! I sound so weird when I say that line. Does that even make sense?! Do people talk like that? Quit squinting. Quit smiling. Quit frowning. Stop being so insecure! STOP YELLING AT ME!" All of that is screaming in my head before I even finish saying my first line. So, tell me again, why do I like acting in plays?

Excitement. This is obvious and almost palpable once I get in the dressing room. Everyone is skipping, fresh-faced, making horrible jokes, and laughing at those horrible jokes. Running lines with ridiculous high pitched southern accents, and then suddenly shushing each other because we're afraid the audience will hear us horsing around. Patting each other on the back, going through superstitious routines, and making sure we don't spray hairspray on each other. But when the stage manager calls "places", I feel nothing but...

Fear. I am terrified of performing! Isn't everybody? The moment I step on stage, my entire body goes into panic mode and a feeling of survival kicks in. It only happens for a split second, but it is the reason I love acting. I am always terrified of the audience, but I was recently reminded that no matter how critical, cynical, or intellectual an audience member might be-they are there to see me. Who cares if they don't like what they see? It's like climbing a huge mountain, with the eventual feeling of...

Satisfaction. After the very first rehearsal for Earnest, I did not think I would be able to memorize all those crazy lines. How could I possibly create a this beloved character? Would anyone get it? Would anyone laugh? Would people be bored? There is no way to know in rehearsal. It's only when we perform, and feel the relationship with the audience that satisfaction occurs. We opened, and the audience freaking loved it. I hope they can continue to love it for four more weekends!
I am pretty dang excited for the rest of the run.

xo
Alli aka Cecily